F2DR.blogspot.com

F2DR.blogspot.com

F2DR.blogspot.com

F2DR: I know it’s been a while since we sat down and talked, but we’ve been so busy lately.

Tumblr:WELL…..

F2DR: I know, I know, that’s not a good enough excuse.  It’s just that with all of the followers, and exploding content, and loko drinking, I’ve barely had time to even call my parents and let them know I’m alive.

Tumblr: Well that hasn’t stopped you from exploiting me for your personal gain.

F2DR:Listen, you knew going into this that we wanted one thing. Money.  Well, chicks, and beer too.  And drugs. And Music. And heady BBQ.  But I’m drifting off now. Reel it back in (deep breath).  Wow, I don’t know if I can really say this.

Tumblr: Say it you little piece of shit! You’re leaving me for that whore blogspot aren’t you?  Well guess what? I knew it. I read you and your little faggot friends’ gmail chat when you left it open the other day.  f2dr.blogspot.com? What kind of a bitch name is that? Oh and tell Jason and Blake that Phish sucks.  No drugs in the world could make me want to listen to that horrible smelly hippy shit.  I hope they bathed in bleach afterwards

F2DR: Well actually we just wanted f2d, but that was taken, and Jason and Blake really like Phish…

Tumblr: Well guess what, I’m leaving too.  I’ve found a better user.

F2DR: And who is that?

Tumblr:…..

F2DR: That’s what I thought.  Look tumblr, I wish I could say it was us and not you, but I can’t just lie like that.  I’m no L. Ron Hubbard.  Your features are lame, your system always crashes when we have funny things to post, you don’t let us make money off of you with AdSense, and your so jealous you won’t even let people leave comments on our posts.  Plus, how hard is it to let us embed a fucking video inside text?  It’s not 2000 anymore.  Look, what I’m trying to say is this, F2DR is too popular to be seen slumming it up with tumblr.  We’re leaving. For good.

Tumblr: So this is how Lance Armstrong’s wife and kids feel….

F2DR: Look it’s not like that.  Actually looking back, we are kinda the same.  Except we have 8 combined testicles.  Not just one.  And we’re not promoting well being, just the opposite actually.  So i guess the only thing we have in common is the whole dumping the person who got us there for someone younger and cooler when we reach stardom.  Yeh that’s it.

Tumblr: (weeping)

F2DR: Don’t worry, I’m sure some other nerd will come take our place.  But if you need us we’ll be at http://f2dr.blogspot.com/.  Just don’t get mad if you walk in on us and strippers.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Lebron James is a cocksucker. Thanks for stealing my morning content Deadspin.  But you are spot on in your analysis of this attention whore.  As much as I hate the entire town of Cleveland, he’s basically taking a shit on their exposed hearts ala Art Modell style.

But hey, it looks like Delonte West is the “KING” motherfucker.

Alright enough fucking NBA.

I bet this guy gets a lot of ladies.  Although I can sympathize.  I prefer my Dragon Ball Z shirts to be prepared for me on time by my mother as well.  Right after i finish watching Scooby Doo and eating the cheerios my mother poured for me.  

(UPDATE) Watching the LBJ Special tonight on ESPN is the most pointless activity you could participate in.  There will be 39 minutes of Balls-licking, 19 minutes of Boys and Girls Club commercials, and 2 minutes of Delonte West’s step-son announcing that he’s going to Chicago.  

I was in Charleston, SC this past Friday and had the privilege to go on a little adventure known as a pub tour. Generally speaking most college towns and little cities have things every once in a while known as a pub crawl where you and a group of people sign up to drink for a cause (I always drink w/a purpose) and you hop from one bar to the next. A pub tour is different in the sense that you are lead by a guide who supposedly knows the history of the city and relays said history to you as you become more inebriated. 

This is the point where I pose the question why haven’t I started doing this where I live? I had a great time on my pub tour through historic Charleston but I guarantee that 75% of the “history” I was being told was 100% bullshit. At one point during the tour we passed by a church where my guide noted the first minister baptized a bear cub. Hahahaha! It was great humor but the chances that that actually happened are 0 to none. The highlight of the pub tour actually occurred in the only non-historic bar we visited. I have never attempted or even remotely thought of sucking down an oyster doused with tabasco sauce and vodka but hot damn if it wasn’t the most awesome shot I’ve ever taken in my life! Back to the point…

Every city needs a pub tour. I am currently working on one for Henry County. Drinking and lying is something that I do very well and….this post sucks, basically I’m watching Walker Texas Ranger right now and Chuck Norris just entered the spirit of an eagle and soared through the air with the eyes of the eagle until he found the bad guy he was looking for. Bad ass. That’s how I want to live, through the eyes of the eagle.

Better more promising posts to come soon, I haven’t had a loko in a couple weeks and my writing is suffering

Sorry I haven’t updated yet. I’ve been out of work for two days and I’m trying to rally.  This past weekend was filled with superior music, a near-death experience, and the best BJ ever.  Pretty standard for a weekend with the Phish.  Hope you guys had fun.  Maybe tomorrow I will be a real person again and I can start contributing.  Peace.

Because I was right.  Damn Evans’s passenger was not his wife and he was having an affair.  Called it.  I know I’m a few days late on this, but let me bask in my psychic glory……………

Ok all done.  Police recordings have been released and embarrassing details have emerged.  The panties in his lap is hilarious on its own, but his reasoning is much more sound, “She took them off and I held them because I was just trying to get her home” 

I’ve had a long, tiring, nightmare filled holiday.  This is mostly for me.

{Via Snuzzy.com, uber-gay baby animal webchannel.  I was not on that site, I was on a blog that is funny and has a larger following then F2DR, that is why I’m making it difficult for you to get there from here.}

As you may have realized the world stopped rotating on its axis and time stopped. Oh, you didn’t? Well, we did. The last few days for the staff here has consisted of peaceful family vacations, to drunken all day ragers on the lake, to whatever happened to Jason and Blake in their mind altering experiences while Phishing all weekend long (details coming soon). Alas, we here at F2DR are back on the grind and promise the internet LOLz you’ve been fiending for since we abruptly left you last week.  

Here’s a few things you should expect today: Pub Tours: Why Every City Needs Them, What Happened at the Lake, and…the much anticipated It was the Eggrolls not the Ecstasy 

Stay Fresh, Stay Loked